This is getting written from how I have felt during previous 2 Week Waits, because I have experienced many. I don’t want to share exactly where I am in my cycle, but I just feel like venting about what I’ve gone through. OK, here goes my 2 Week Wait Rant.
I find myself doing a mental countdown, during the TWW (2 Week Wait), just waiting impatiently, for that day to come where I can find out some news. Seriously, I need to make one of those countdown chain things that we used to make when we were little kids counting down the day until Christmas. The problem with that though is that at the end of the Christmas chain, it’s an exciting outcome, because Christmas is here! If I made a 2 Week Wait chain, there’s a big chance of shattered dreams, fear, and unhappiness at the end of the chain. So, I think I’ll pass on the chain and just stick to keeping it in my head.
One of the most frustrating things about the TWW, are the symptoms I feel from the trigger shot I’m given right before the TWW begins. These symptoms mock pregnancy. Seriously? I have to feel pregnant for two weeks, and come to find it just gets taken away from me after 14 days? I’ve done a pretty good job over these last few cycles, reminding myself that it’s fake and to not get my hopes up. There have been times where I was confident I was pregnant, and then I’m not. I have adjusted better to the symptoms, and try to ignore them. However, I do find myself still hoping that my chest continues to stay sore and that the symptoms don’t go away. I never would have thought there’d be a day where I’m praying to wake up in the morning with my head in the toilet. I don’t necessary like saying, “don’t get your hopes up”, because I don’t fully mean that. If I didn’t have hope, than what is there to hold on to? It’s just that I have to remind myself not to get too carried away with the fake pregnancy symptoms.
Another frustrating thing is that it is unknown if you are pregnant or not, obviously, until the two week wait is up. So, I could be pregnant or I could not be pregnant. Can I drink coffee? Do intense workouts? Get less than 8 hours of sleep? Get my hair colored? Do I need to avoid the dentist? Seriously, should I be stressing myself out thinking about those things during the two weeks? Probably not. But do I? Yes, because I’m Leslie and I stress out about everything. Luckily, I have gotten more comfortable and confident in what I can and can’t do just from personal feelings, doctor’s opinions, and a lot of article readings. In case you’re wondering, I still drink coffee (but limit it to no more than 2 cups per day), I try to tone down my workouts, but it’s extremely hard for me to do that, so sometimes I find myself regretting how hard I had just worked out. I try to get 8 hours of sleep a night, but don’t beat myself up when there’s a special event with friends or family that keeps me up past my 9:30PM bedtime. I have gotten my hair done, but make sure to avoid the roots. And, I hate the dentist so that just gives me an excuse to avoid it.
I think back when I first started infertility treatment, and how paranoid and stressed out I was about what I can do and can’t do. Every new cycle is a learning experience, and a test for strength. As much as I hate the fact that I’m still going through this, I feel more hope and knowledge now versus when we first started. And for that, I am truly grateful.